I owe you at least three blogs. Please prepare yourself for a Life Update, Reflection, and a Recipe (pumpkin cupcakes, anyone?). My reflective heart is aching, so that is where I must begin…
Writing is the gate to my heart. It is the expression of the deepest part of my being. I cannot help but be authentic when I write. In writing, I come to a place of clarity, understanding and a peace with who I am, who I aspire to be, and the world around me. Thus writing is one of my most freeing, and most daunting experiences. Which in many ways is the reason my blog posts ceased. Yes, there was busyness (when is there not?), bet there were multiple periods in which I set out to update my blog and was overcome by, not writer’s block, but blogger’s paralysis. Let me explain…
I am a girl who wears my heart on my sleeve. If you spend more than 20 minutes with me, not only do I want to hear your entire life story, I will tell you mine as well. Which is partly why I enjoy blogging, it is a chance to share story. I am also a girl who takes life and myself too seriously. When I am working through uncertainties in life, the only safe place to write is my notebook, for my eyes alone to see—Thus…
Heart on Sleeve + Far Too Serious + Working through Uncertainties (when doesn’t this happen, by the way?) = TMI Writing or Blogger’s Paralysis
The current diagnosis: the former
With that recognition, I’ve been walking down a new thought journey, or more accurately noted—I think the Lord is trying to teach me something. It began a few weeks ago with this Oswald Chamber’s Quote:
For we overly analytical type who are constantly dissecting life, decisions, opportunities and failures this spurs a paradigm shift. I cannot overly analyze this quote. I can only try to live and embrace it. Maybe a proactive attempt to live this out may be frivolous. Maybe it is more like breathing. It already happens, but I am rarely conscious of it. The Lord directs our paths through ordinary means in which we are simply unaware.
This journey continues. This morning I continued to read Oswald Chamber’s and it cut right to my heart (I’ll share…):
My Utmost for His Highest: Shallow and Profound
“Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” (1 Cor 10:31)
“Beware of allowing yourself to think that the shallow aspects of life are not ordained by God; they are ordained by Him equally as much as the profound. We sometimes refuse to be shallow, not out of our deep devotion to God but because we wish to impress other people with the fact that we are not shallow. This is a sure sign of spiritual pride. We must be careful, for this is how contempt for others is produced in our lives. And it causes us to be a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than we are. Beware of posing as a profound person—God became a baby.
To be shallow is not a sign of being sinful, nor is shallowness an indication that there is no depth in your life at all—the ocean has a shore. Even the shallow things of life, such as eating and drinking, walking and talking, are ordained by God. These are all things our Lord did. He did them as the Son of God and He said, “A disciple is not above his teacher…”(Matt 10:24)
We are safeguarded by the shallow things of life. We have to live the surface, commonsense life in a commonsense way. Then when God gives us the deeper things, they are obviously separated from the shallow concerns. Never show the depth of your life to anyone but God. We are so nauseatingly serious, so desperately interested in our own character and reputation, we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.
Make a determination to take no one seriously except God. You may find that the first person you must be the most critical with, as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself.”
In many respects, when I began this new portion of my journey in DC I came with a fresh perspective , in that all I did, big or small, was to the glory of God. I often sensed an intimate connection with the Lord in the ordinary moments of my day—more so than when I engaged in what I believed to be the profound. Yet my perspective has slowly slipped away. I have reverted back to this place of taking anything and everything too seriously. Losing some joy in simplicity (not completely, but some). As my heart is overwhelmed by seriousness, I feared that writing would lead to an online forum of Too Much Emily Information. (Trust me, no one wants to go there… ) Instead maybe as I live and think and write about the ordinary the profound will simply flow. Or maybe not. And I think that will be ok too.